: Archive

It's been a while.

I haven’t been on here in forever. I think i’ll start again. It’ll give me a place to vent.

Oct 1st

Jun 15th

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May 31st

May 30th

May 29th

Road construction.

I have so much to think about now, even though it shouldn’t be worrying me as bad as it is. There’s graduating, moving, getting a job and then a possible relationship right now. I’ve already talked to him about how I’m afraid of getting emotionally attached and then moving. I’m having this same struggle I’ve always had… trying to write down everything...

May 28th

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May 17th

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May 17th

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May 17th

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May 17th

Something needs to change.

I need to do something different. I think I need to start getting healthy again. I’m at a healthy weight, but I’m not in shape at all. I can still run long distances and my heart rate rarely excedes 150BPM, but I’m starting to feel like I get drained out of energy faster. I also want to eat healthier. But not being able to control what kinds of food come into this house,...

May 15th

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May 13th

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May 13th

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May 13th

No laugh-echos.

Nothing has changed recently. I still don’t have a job, and I still live with an asshole. I still don’t have a car and I still smoke too much. I’m still in school, and barely passing some classes. I think after graduation, I’m going to move to Waupaca. I’ll live with my dad, even if he charges me rent. From there I can get a job and find my own apartment. As long as...

May 7th

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May 2nd

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May 2nd

Almost done!

I have most of my prom dress finished, and I’m getting uber pumped about it. I had to redo a pert of it three times, because I kept sewing it on wrong. That and another part where the seam ripped through are the only parts that I’ve messed up on as of yet. I don’t think I’ll be going to open mic tomorrow, just so I can work on it some more. It’s past 11 and I still...

Apr 30th

I need to fucking get out of here.

Now. I hate this house. I’m always fucking walking on eggshells and every goddamn thing I do is wrong. I can’t even hang my hacket up right without it being thrown right back at me. Why the fuck does she let this abusive asshole live here?

Apr 29th

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Apr 26th

Mr. Boveroux is right.

Our group of friends really does have the worst luck. I can’t stop crying now because of the shooting that killed Noah’s mother. She had 5 kids. At the funeral (that I wasn’t able to make it to) they all sang Amazing Grace. Brenna was telling me that she lost it there. And just thinking about it makes me cry. I can’t stop either. Also, today was Megan’s trial. I...

Apr 23rd

I feel dried out.

Along with this whole depression thing, I feel dried out. I have trouble thinking things, and sometime I just sit there with my mind blank, because I don’t know what to think about. I have to think about what I want to think about. That’s weird, and as far as I know that’s not how it normally works. I’m even having trouble ranting. Ranting to myself. I dwell on things too...

Apr 22nd

It's getting obvious.

I know it’s getting close to the end of the school year. Teachers are more irritable, None of my classmates or I give a fuck. We don’t listen or do anything we’re supposed to. I’m even having more trouble getting homework done, because for some reason I’m thinking I don’t have to do it. Even though I do because I NEED to pass. If I don’t I’m in...

Apr 22nd

“Simon, because even YOU do not understand!”

– JON

Apr 21st

Ah... finally.

Finally got my own laptop. It’s tiny, but I don’t want anything bigger, because it’s light and easy to carry around. It’s an HP mini. And I love it. Senior skip day tomorrow. Masanz told that seniors are just “so cool” and I argued that I started being cool before I was born. Haha.. I love my teachers. Well. Some. I at least like arguing with my teachers. I...

Apr 20th

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Apr 19th

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Apr 18th

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Apr 18th

TW →

Apr 18th

Just missing the andrenaline.

I feel like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster. Today was great. Nothing to complain about. There were the typical arguments with teachers, but I always purposely pick fights with them, especially if they’re wrong about something. I got home and I was in a good mood. Got my hair trimmed and that was fine. Set an appointment to get my hair done for prom. Then I came home, and from there...

Apr 16th

Apr 11th

Morning, Sunshine.

I’m awake. And I have been since 4:30. It’s currently 5:42. I couldn’t get back to sleep. I went to bed around 10:30 after a night at the bar, and since then I had been waking up every two hours or so. Maybe it’s the anxiety of going back to Appleton. I know damn well it’s not excitement. I fit into this little city of 5,000-some people. I like it, though I’ve...

Apr 11th

What's next?

Bad things come in threes, they day. I’m just waiting for the third. My dad’s dog was put down at about 9 am this morning. He had been really sick for the past week, throwing up, not eating much and going to the bathroom all the time. We thought it had to do with how bad his teeth were, thinking bacteria got into his blood stream or something. Turns out it was his kidneys again. He...

Apr 10th

Happens all the time.

That’s a good song, it is. How I love pandora radio… Anyway. I’m without a prom date now. I can’t be mad at him because a person can’t help who they fall for (I know this part from experience), but really? I mean… we had plans before se even came into the picture. I can’t be mad at him though. He’s one of my best friends, but seriously? I’m...

Apr 9th

Thank you.

Hannah was in my dream last night. She and I and a bunch of people went on a ski trip. A bunch of people she knew, I didn’t know any of them. For some reason I was the only one that knew she had died, and I was crying, and I could feel the tears freezing up on my face. After some people had left to go get coffee and hot chocolate, she talked to me. She took me into another room and...

Apr 7th

“Think enough and you won’t know anything.”

– Kenneth Patchen

Apr 7th

Cronies.

I walked the downtown strip for a bit and went down the hill to the park where I took a few pictures for class. The architechture is beautiful down there and the sound of the river is really relaxing. and of course, there was someone smoking some kind of narcotic in is car. I walked down the river a bit and took Union st back up to Main and that’s when I found Cronies. I’m not even...

Apr 6th

Not so bad, really.

This town I mean. I know my way around it better than I do Appleton. I just haven’t located a coffee haus as of yet. I’m thinking I’ll take my dad’s truck downtown sometime soon, maybe noonish. I’ll take the camera and an extra roll of film. I started my prom dress. As soon as I got the band that goes around my waist finished, my back started aching and I...

Apr 6th

Apr 5th

Branded for life now.

It friggen tickled like mad. Ryan kept telling me to stay still so he wouldn’t mess up. Now maybe I’ll go get some piercings or something. hah.

Apr 4th

Seriously. I need to stop contemplating the future. I don’t even believe that the future exists. It’s just a perpetual present. That’s all. But yet, so much is bound to happen. Soon, too. I don’t want to think about it. But I can’t stop… for the life of me. I’ve been drinking. And that’s probably not helping these mass amount of thoughts. I’m...

Apr 4th

10:57 pm

I don’t feel any different today. (Except a little shocked that Masanz sang to me) My left arm still has a torn muscle, and my left knee still gives me a slight limp. My hair is the same length, and i’m wearing old clothes. I still smoke, still drink coffee, and still enjoy the same things. But now everything I do will be legal. Except drinking. And really, when you think about it, 18...

Apr 2nd

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He dunked it into a glass full of ice, not water, thankfully.

Apr 1st

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Teigen being… Teigen.

Apr 1st

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Mar 31st

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Mar 31st

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Mar 31st